How conscious are you of how you project confidence with others?

If you want to be successful, and if you want to have a remarkable and fulfilling life, then you need to take stock of where you’re focusing your mental energy, and make the appropriate adjustments that enable you to focus on what you can actually have an effect on.  

Here’s my recommendation: Change your point of focus from all your struggles, all your mistakes, all your pain and failure, and concentrate instead on creating confidence in yourself — and on creating confidence in others.

People are attracted to confidence. It draws people closer to you, opens them up to wanting to hear what you have to say and even align themselves with you and your goals. 

I tend to think that the more confident you are, the more the positive energy that you’re creating can propel you to a higher state of being, and a higher state of success. I also think that the opposite is true. A lack of confidence and a projection of pessimism can really bring you and everyone around you down a pathway of imminent failure. 

Like attracts like, as it were. So what type of energy do you want to project into the world? Who do you want to align yourself with and what type of people do you want to attract and mentor? 

To me, the answer is simple. And here are 7 more untold truths about confidence. 

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear

Confident people don’t just live without fear. No one gets that luxury in life, despite what projections we might put onto others. The difference is, they don’t let their fears get in the way of what they really want out of life. 

Of course, there are different degrees of fear, too. Some people might fear death. Others might fear public speaking. 

While you can’t do much about the former, you can live your life in a way that is as intentional as possible to ensure that you’re making the best use of your time during your life. And if you’re someone who is afraid of public speaking, then the first thing you should do is take a public speaking course so you can recondition your thinking. You’ll probably be surprised at how just about everyone else in the class feels the same way that you do. 

It’s okay to admit that you have fears in life. In fact, admitting that you have fears essential to understanding who you are, so that you can do the work to overcome them, or at the very least, challenge your fears by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. 

Confident people acknowledge their fears, but they won’t be controlled by them. They’ve learned how to embrace their fears, use them as motivation, and ultimately propel themselves toward their goals. 

Confidence isn’t given to you

Don’t look for others to give you the level of confidence that you’re looking for. 

Real confidence isn’t something that comes from the external validation of others. Real confidence is built on years and years of self-work and faith that you’ve built in yourself. 

We live in a society that is increasingly fixated on the outcome of things, but gives very little attention to the process — the vulnerability, failure, and hard work — associated with what it takes to actually accomplish something. 

All of this is internal work, even if the results are external. Take physical fitness, for example. You need to have the dedication to show up every day, the willingness to be bad at certain types of exercise until you can master them, and the long-term vision to be humble while you pursue your goal. 

Soon enough, your confidence will grow as your skills do, and your pride will likely come just as much from your level of discipline as it does with the physical and mental transformation you’ve created. 

This confidence wasn’t given to you. It came from within. 

Confidence is fueled by failure just as much as it is success

One of the best ways to build confidence? Try something new. Fail miserably. After your failure, instead of pretending it never happened, look at your failure, examine it carefully, and learn something valuable from the experience. 

First and foremost: You survived this experience! I know that sounds almost condescending, but many people really do keep themselves from trying new things because they’re so afraid of the embarrassment of failure. Guess what? Unless what you’re trying to do is jump from an airplane without a parachute, then you’re not gonna die. The experience might not feel good, but you’ll get over it, and if you really take the time to learn from it, you’ll come out the other side of this situation wiser than you were before. 

Failure teaches us that we’re more resilient than we could ever imagine. It sets the foundation for how we will react to future struggles, and when we handle them with an open mind, we’ll learn how to become stronger because of them. 

Work on your long-term mindset

I have often observed that people who struggle with confidence are typically impatient in nature.

It’s like they approach life with a very short-term mindset. This is very different from someone who is mindful, and present, and “lives in the now,” so to speak. No, this is a person who very quickly loses sight of where they’ve been and where they’re going. 

They tend to get stuck on very small details and interpret them only in the worst-case scenarios. My recommendation is to never lose sight of the bigger picture. Our past informs our present which informs our future. 

By developing the ability to look backward without dwelling on what you can’t change while looking to the future with an actionable mindset, you’ll get less hung up on the things you can’t change, and will be able to make more confident decisions in the present. 

Preparation builds confidence

Confident people have a foundation of expertise that they can call on when faced with new challenges. 

The more that you learn, experience, and practice, the more confident you’ll be. It’s similar to Malcolm Gladwell’s “10,000 hours rule,” where you have the ability to become an expert in just about anything if you practice it correctly and invest at least 10,000 hours into that field of study. 

Take special note that this is earned confidence that I’m talking about here, which is quite different from the sort of hubris that some people can exude when they’ve had a little success. 

The critical difference here is that you have to keep learning. You can’t think that you know it all and think that you can just wing it, because more than likely, you’re gonna fail and you’re gonna fail hard. 

Prepare, prepare, prepare. Then prepare some more. And if you don’t? Well, hopefully you learn from the experience. 

Confidence is a choice

Confidence has to start with you. You have to believe in yourself to accomplish great things in life. No one is going to advocate on your behalf when you’re unknown, untested, and uninitiated. 

You’re going to experience struggles in your life, and your confidence is going to grow in the same way that muscles do — by putting yourself in the situations that require practice.

But none of that happens if you don’t make the choice to do something. You can’t just think about achieving your goals. You have to take action. You have to create a plan and hold yourself accountable to it. 

It all starts with you choosing to believe in yourself, having a clear vision, and being confident enough to take that first step. 

Confidence is contagious

As I said earlier, like attracts like. 

When you’re approachably confident (as in, not arrogant!), you will attract people toward you. People are always looking for leadership, because it inspires confidence and leadership in them, too!

The more confident you are, the more confident people you’ll surround yourself with, creating a peer network of people who can build each other up, and fuel one another to reach new heights. 

It will also give you the opportunity to help others increase their confidence, as well. Think carefully about the sort of inner circle that you want to have in your life, and gravitate towards those people.

Want to learn more about mastering confidence? Winning at life? Building a 10X business? Then you need to join our next Cardone Ventures event! Like-minded business owners, the Cardone Ventures team, and me — it’s guaranteed to be the most impactful event you’ll attend this year. Register now to save your seat!